The Protector

Trust no one.

You pick up on things other people miss: a change in someone’s tone, a look across the table, something that doesn’t quite add up.

You may have been through something traumatic, or spent years not knowing what to expect from the people around you. Paying close attention helped you keep yourself safe. Your nervous system got used to staying ready, even when you wanted to rest.

Now you can be tired and still find yourself listening, watching, running through what could go wrong. Even on a good day, it’s hard to let your guard down. That’s how survival mode can become part of everyday life.

You’ve protected yourself, the people you love, and the things you’ve built. You have good reasons for being careful. But it takes a lot out of you.

The strategy: Safety through vigilance. You try to catch the problem early so it can’t catch you off guard. Often, you’re already preparing for something that hasn’t happened.

The shadow: Someone is kind to you, and you wonder what they want. Things are going well, but you don’t quite let yourself enjoy it. You’re waiting to see what happens next.

You may notice it in your clenched jaw or the shoulders you keep having to remind yourself to lower. With people, it can take a long time to feel comfortable. Even with someone you love, part of you may still be on guard.

Sometimes you talk yourself out of something you want because you can’t be sure how it will turn out. You don’t ask. You don’t say what you mean. You hang back, then wish you’d joined in.

What helps: Notice what you’re bracing for. Is something happening that needs your attention, or are you working through all the things that might happen?

When you find a moment where you feel safe enough, see if you can loosen your jaw or lower your shoulders. Give yourself a moment before answering, making a decision, or stepping in to handle something.

You don’t have to trust life yet. Start by asking whether you need this much protection right now.

The question to sit with:
Your vigilance has protected you for a long time. It’s also heavy. How much energy would you have if you put it down for an hour?